


VHS Tape: The Memoir

by hanae_sato



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Light Angst, M/M, POV Iwaizumi Hajime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:42:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28643904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanae_sato/pseuds/hanae_sato
Summary: How can you reach for someone who wasn't there?
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	VHS Tape: The Memoir

‘Iwa-chan… Iwa-chan… Iwa-chan…’

That singsong voice… The way he called him… It’s all coming back.

‘Hey, Iwa-chan. I saw a pastry shop in that block, let’s go see it later.’

When was the last time they walked together? Visiting that same pastry shop ever since that dork discovered the place?

‘Wow, Mattsun. You’re doing great! Hey, Iwa-chan, are you really that confident? Let me toss to you.’

‘Shut up!’ 

When was the last time he got pissed off?

It has been months, he swore he won’t step in to that place, but he can’t help himself but visit the apartment where Oikawa Toru had once been living.

He still have the spare key that that dork gave him one time, he was confused why Oikawa gave it to him, though. He doesn’t have any reasons to use it before, but now he does.

“Have you anticipated this, Shittykawa?’ Iwaizumi mumbled under his breath.

The door unlocked to Oikawa’s place, and Iwaizumi’s bravery wavers. He just stood in the threshold, pondering his thoughts if he was ready to breathe in the place Oikawa left.

“Hello there, young man.” A man’s voice boomed, distracting Iwaizumi. The landlord?

“Are you looking for Toru? He’s not home for months; I wonder where that guy goes. Are you Iwaizumi Hajime? I remember he mentioned he gave a spare key to that guy in case he comes here. If that was you, feel free to enter.”

“Yes, sir. That was me. And thank you.”

Before the last of his courage disappear, Iwaizumi stepped in to his partner’s place.

The setting was still the same.

There is the coffee table with its scattered magazines, the couch where Oikawa’s bag on it, and the pillow on the floor.

Everything was the same, except for the ambiance of the room.

It was lifeless. And it’s the different kind, the one where you knew it will be forever.

Iwaizumi forced down a sob that was forming in his throat. He looked around, wondering why he came here in the first place. He mentally scolded himself.

He walked to the door, about to leave. But he stopped on his tracks when he saw an envelope, big enough to notice, taped on the door with his name written on the surface.

‘Hey, Iwa-chan.’ It said.

Iwaizumi was trembling for God-knows-what reason. He reached for the paper and opened it.

‘Hey, Iwa-chan^^

I know you’ll gonna turn your back and leave not long after you entered my house. You probably wanna punch me right now, are you? I’m sorry if I made you mad. I’ll explain everything in the video you’ll gonna find under my bed. It’s in a box.

Taa~’

“Oikawa, you moron. You really anticipated this. If I could strangle you…”

He was still trembling. He doesn’t know if it’s rage within him, or something else. Before he changes his mind, he headed for Oikawa’s room.

The room was neat, aside for the unkept bedding. The light shined through the glass window illuminating the room, making the dusts visible. This may be the place that witnessed Oikawa’s miseries.

Remembering the letter, he looked for the box under the bed. He crouched down and reached for the small box that was the only thing under.

It’s the typical box you always see, but this one is dark brown and a little bit worn. With trembling hands, Iwaizumi took off the lid.

“What kind of stupid thing you did you do now, Toru”, he said. His voice even trembles, he was afraid on what Oikawa had in store for him.  
Inside is a sing tape. A VHS to be exact. Along with the tape, came another letter. 

‘Hey, Iwa-chan ^^

You probably found this by now. You are so smart, I’m proud. I know it was just a simple task but thinking you came all the way up to this point, I’m never been too happy. So anyways, you’ll find a player just next to my computer. You can use it and, well, be enlightened. I’m gonna miss you.

-Oikawa.’  
Just by reading the letter of his partner, Iwaizumi had enough. He can walk out of this room and go back to his place, turn on the TV or hit the gym. But at the same time, he wanted Oikawa’s explanation. He wanted answers. And he wanted to hear his voice again. The usual singsong voice of his whenever he calls Iwaizumi’s name.

He put on the tape and sat on the bed. For a moment, he felt Oikawa’s presence.

‘Damn you.’ And the video played.

“Um, hi.HEY IWA-CHAN!”, and there it was. That voice that occupied Iwaizumi’s mind for the last months.

“Finally, you found me! I didn’t imagine you’ll be up to this point though. Knowing you, there’s only a seventy percent chance you will gonna ignore the letters and go back to your place. But I pushed you, didn’t I?”

Unconsciously, Iwaizumi paused the video.

‘This is Oikawa. It’s Oikawa’s voice, it’s him. That same hair, smiley face. It’s Oikawa from months before… before…’ he can’t help it. The sob he was gulping down from before finally made its way out.

He touched the screen trying to feel the warmth of Oikawa's face, but the coldness of the glass touched his fingertips.

'Oikawa...’ it took him minutes to regain his courage to press the play button and listen to his partner's voice again.

"Since you are watching this, I'm probably gone by now. I'm so sorry, Iwa-chan. I just couldn't tell you about it before. I was afraid, Iwa-chan.

So I planned on spending my whole time with you whenever I could. I took you to our usual place, that pastry shop in that block away from school. Can you still remember the sweet taste of the milk bread? Was it good? I know that was the first time you ate milk bread, since you’re not fond of pastries. But the next time we came back, you did not bought it anymore. But I made you eat one, so a point for me."

'You planned everything without me noticing a single thing. What happened, Oikawa?'

"Tossing for you was always the best. It's always been my favorite thing being the setter. Your actions were so precise with mine. And there's this silent connection we had, that whenever I toss blindly, you were always there to save it. I knew you were my other half, Iwa-chan." A chuckle came from Oikawa that made Iwaizumi reached for him again, but how can you reach for someone who wasn't there?

'Can you go straight to the point, you moron?' Iwaizumi clutched his fingers, trying to calm himself.

'How can you leave someone without telling them? You thought it will save me from the miseries? You made it worse, Oikawa. You left me confused and with many questions. You left me and let me succumb this awful situation all alone. How dare you, Oikawa?'

"You remembered the time I skipped practice? I wasn't feeling well, Iwa-chan. I ran to the toilet and coughed out blood. I was so scared, Iwa-chan. From that point, I knew there was something wrong with me. So I ran home without telling you what happened. And it happens from time to time."

'So that's why you always excused yourself... I never noticed.'

"Two weeks later I consulted a doctor. He ran some diagnosis and found out I had a severe stomach disease. Every night I cried in pain, but I can't make myself to call you. It hurts more when I see you get worried, Iwa-chan. That's why I... hid it."

'You're always good at hiding, Oikawa. Why did you let yourself suffer alone? What's the big deal of me getting worried for you? You just made everything worst for me, Oikawa. You are so stupid.'

"Every afternoon after we get home from practice, I slowly executed my plans. I told the landlord about you, I recorded this video, made some letters... There are tons I did, Iwa-chan. I did things I should not be doing this early; I should not be talking to you through this recorded tape, instead being with you in some places that we enjoy together. I should be with you right now, maybe by your side while sitting on the sofa, watching a good movie that will makes us thrill or cry or reminisce. Maybe we will be under the stars, taking a good rest on the plain field we usually passed by after an exhausting practice. Or back at that nice pastry shop and I will get you to eat their milk bread, again. I'm so sorry, Iwa-chan. There are words I should be telling you by now, but..."  
Oikawa's voice trailed off and paused, he was making a face of trying to hold back his tears, looking away from the recording. Iwaizumi, on the other hand, was unaware of the dripping teardrops on the mattress. He can't think straight. He doesn’t know what to react anymore. For all he knows, he misses his dork. He misses Oikawa Toru.

"There are words...” Oikawa continued. "There are words I wanted to tell you, but I don't have the courage. I... Iwa-chan..."

On the screen, Oikawa broke down.

'No... Toru, no. Don't cry, please. It pains me seeing you cry. Stop, please.'

Iwaizumi reached for the screen again, and touched the surface on where Oikawa's face was supposedly on.

'I want to dry your tears and stop them from flowing. But what can I do when you are worlds away from me now? The urge to hold you is too much...'

They both sobbed. A heartbreaking sob of yearning for each other. A sob that was kept for months of misery. In that place and in that time, all emotions broke loose from Iwaizumi's chest.  
A minute had passed and Oikawa managed to compose himself again and smiled.

"I decided to just write it down. Have you seen the coffee table? I will leave them there. Goodbye, Iwa-chan... I... umm... I'm gonna leave now. Take care of yourself, I'm gonna miss you, my Iwa-chan."

And the video stopped.

Along with it, Iwaizumi felt like everything around him also stopped. He can't move from where he was sitting, and his eyes were still set on the monitor screen, hoping Oikawa has been playing a prank on him, hoping there was still more of his Oikawa on the screen, hoping these were all a dream.

'No... Toru, no. No.' Iwaizumi mumbled under his breath as he was waiting for the comeback of the other.

'I can't believe you, Oikawa."

With his hands on his face, Iwaizumi cried for the first time since Oikawa was gone. Only the dusts and shadows of objects witnessed the misery of the man who longed for the presence of his partner. Gone all the comfort and warmth, just the coldness of the space embraced the whole being of Iwaizumi.

'Will this really be the last time?'

It was suffocating. The air was cold yet suffocating.

Everything reminded him of the place. He cannot bear to see the living room where Oikawa probably had his last moments.

Iwaizumi found a piece of paper under one of the magazines on the coffee table. The delicate hand writing was clearly of Oikawa's. It was neatly decorated with stationary to look a bit aesthetic, and that made Iwaizumi crept a small smile. It was what Oikawa would really do.

But happiness don't really last long.

Written on the piece of paper was a code they both enjoyed writing when they were young.

Empty and cold, Iwaizumi whispered his last good bye.

"I, too, stupid. Today and beyond."  
\----

**Author's Note:**

> Oikawa's last message:
> 
> 9+12+9+11+5+25+15+21+9+23+1+3+8+1+14
> 
> ~  
> I love IwaOi I swear. I breathe IwaOi. I believe in IwaOi supremacy!
> 
> ps: i have written this last july but i was scared to share it. let me know your thoughts <3


End file.
